When life presses in

 I don’t know about you, but I find this new normal exhausting. Everything takes extra thought, effort and planning. A simple trip to the grocery store now requires the necessity of masks and an ample supply of hand sanitizer and cleansing wipes. Being mindful of keeping your distance and following the aisle arrows. All robots moving in the same direction. Fearful of doing it wrong. Fearful of the person in front or behind you. No faces. No smiles. No idle happy chit chat. It’s a lot to handle.

As the director here, I am responsible for the safety of my staff/volunteers and clients. Having that responsibility is a little overwhelming at times. Making sure the telephone is always wiped down. Taking Lysol wipes with when we use the main floor restroom. Practicing safe distancing with clients during appointments and porch pick ups. Having enough masks, sanitizer, wipes to keep going forward. It’s a lot to handle.

I miss the ease of how things used to be. I miss hugging my grandchild and our kids. I miss going to church and singing my heart out. I miss seeing people smile. I miss the friendliness of our community and society. I miss being able to comfort someone with a hug without fearing it may bring illness. I miss being able to hear people clearly. I miss seeing the kindness displayed on our streets. It’s a lot to handle.

There are moments, that if I allow it, the anxiety of all that is going on in the world begins to swallow me up. It’s so much more than a pandemic. It’s anger. It’s fear. It’s struggle. It’s hunger. It’s darkness. It’s rioting. It’s judgement. It’s hoarding. It’s uncertainty. It’s exclusion. It’s loneliness. It’s hurting. It’s loud. It’s forgotten. It’s quiet. It’s……

But then I stop. I inhale. I exhale. It is well. I’m okay. He is with me. He is for me. All around me. There is love. His love. It saturates every hurt, every fear, with a balm like no other. It replaces the noise of shouting, of anger, of judgement with a song that is far more beautiful than anything I have ever heard. He reminds me how much I am loved. Me. In the midst of all the chaos, He reaches down to touch my shoulder and bring me comfort. To hug me. And everything is calm again. I inhale. I exhale. It is well. It is well. I get back up, put on the armour He has given me and get back to work. His work.

Caroline xx